I shudder when I look back now and hear myself; I was speaking from such a warehouse of ignorance. I knew some of Jesus’s teachings, not much of the Bible, especially the New Testament and the writings of St. Paul and the other apostles. Nothing much of what it meant to ‘love thy neighbour as thyself”. I had not been taught to know what God wanted of me on a day-to-day basis, throughout my life. In my thinking I still regarded religion as being something just for Sundays. Prayers, devotions, Bible reading each day?  Not on my agenda -  still aren’t really. I talk to God every day and I worship God every day.  I wouldn’t say I had no conscience or didn’t know right from wrong, but I had grown up listening to adults who were intolerant of other people and judgmental, and so I became that way too – especially with people I didn’t like.

In 1981, I and my family emigrated to Canada. The first years were tough - I was terribly homesick, and Don could not find employment in the aircraft industry until he had his Canadian Aircraft Mechanics License. As a consequence, he had to work as an apprentice for over a year. We came straight to Calgary from England and suffered an unexpected culture shock. I had believed that living in Canada would not be much different from living in Britain; after all it was part of the Commonwealth - wasn’t it? But on arrival I felt as if I had stepped into a Western movie! It was the way people talked; they wore big Stetson hats and cowboy boots and there were horses everywhere! In the summer there was brown grass on the prairie and where were all the trees and lush undergrowth and flowers? By October or November, there were those dreadful Alberta winters – the unbelievable minus 30 degrees cold and the frozen, flattened snow on the roads making them like glass, so that driving was a nightmare! I was bewildered and lost. Of course, Calgary was still a small town but growing in a very modern way. Downtown was like nothing we had experienced in Britain – all skyscrapers and glass and traffic lights everywhere on a grid system of streets and avenues - I felt hemmed in and threatened.

As we became accustomed to the way of life and started to meet new people and make our way around, one thing I noticed was that here more people went to church and actually talked about Jesus, God and their faith in a very open way. When someone would say “just give it all up to Jesus” or “God is good” or “the Lord this” and “the Lord that”, I didn’t know how to respond! Back in England, even in my church going days, people didn’t talk like that. British reserve and all that!

When the Alberta boom went bust in 1982 and the bottom dropped out of the housing market, it put paid to any thoughts of returning to the UK. We had bought a house in Calgary, putting a lot of our capital into it and now we could not have sold it for love nor money. In retrospect this was a good thing, as we were forced to settle down, become integrated and make a life in our adopted country. We became Canadian citizens and when the 1988 Winter Olympics came along, we were starting to feel quite proprietary about Calgary. I joined Calgary Workshop Theatre, a community theatre group, and was happy to be ‘treading the boards’ once again.

In 1992 a chance remark from a friend had us taking a trip to Cochrane to look at new housing being built, right down by the river. This simple event was to eventually be the catalyst that changed our lives. We bought a house there and settled down to life in small-town Alberta. We loved it and really started to feel at home, getting to know our neighbours and being involved in a community. I started a business offering tax and accounting services and became quite well known in the town.

We made many friends and in the year 2000 an enthusiastic bunch helped us start a small theatre group. We were really quite successful and managed to put on three plays a year and our reputation for staging good live theatre was growing. In 2002 I was holding auditions for our fall play ‘You Can’t Get There From Here’ and a very talented lady whose name was Robin, came along to audition and was perfect for one of the female parts.

Finding rehearsal space was an ongoing problem and was proving very difficult for this production. Robin was a member of St. Peter’s Lutheran church in Cochrane, and she had the idea that maybe we could rehearse in the Narthex of the church on Sunday afternoons and promised to ask the Pastor, Norm Miller. Amazingly he agreed and the next Sunday we gratefully poured into the church.

St. Peter’s was a beautiful, fairly new church. The Narthex was a large room which had been thoughtfully designed; it had a high lofty ceiling and tall windows overlooking the woods behind the building. On the inside it also had large glass walls and double glass doors looking into the attractive sanctuary. As my eyes took in the rows of beautiful red chairs, the simple altar with a large arch window behind it, the brightness from the many windows down each side of the room, I suddenly felt an indefinable longing; I thought back to those Sundays of my teens. In my mind I could see Pat and I, racing along Damfield Lane and hear the peal of the bells of St. Andrews.

My face must have given away something of what I was feeling as Robin stepped quietly over to me and as I caught her inquiring look, I told her that I sometimes had the feeling that I should return to church but couldn’t actually bring myself to do it. She suggested I take the Alpha course. I had no idea what that was and although Robin explained, I didn’t really feel inclined to consider it. The sessions would clash with rehearsal times for our plays; at that time, I was the only director in the theatre group, and we were attempting to present at least two to three plays per season, back-to-back. She said nothing further at that time and I thought no more about it.

In June 2002 I went on vacation to England and learned that my sister had lung cancer. She was told she had three to six months to live. She had been my whole life, right from when I was little – I couldn’t begin to imagine the world without her; even though she lived thousands of miles away from me, she was always in my heart. Life had been very hard for her; I used to wonder how it was that I had it so good and she had hardly anything. She deserved the world but received nothing but heartbreak, violence, worry and borderline poverty. I was devastated to learn that I was to lose her too – I went back to England in October that year and spent a further week with her.

During our talks she told me that in the past months she had turned to God. Pat had never gone to church, not like I had, but now in her hour of need, she had sought God and made her peace. I started to think again about my own beliefs – ever since learning about Pat’s illness I had been railing against something or someone in my mind: why my sister too? Now it was my whole family who had been struck down by cancer! But here she was, saying she believed in God and was reconciled to dying.

The following January she passed away – thankfully she didn’t suffer too much or too long – and of course we went back to England for her funeral. This took place in a beautiful church in Liverpool and during that service I did bow my head for the prayers.

Another year went by and in 2004 I took a sabbatical from the theatre group and Robin didn’t waste any time! She said ‘now was the perfect time for me to attend an Alpha group’ – hers of course! So, with trepidation, I signed up for the 15-week course.

It was a special experience. I can still feel the overwhelming warmth of the people I met, of whom most were Christians already. The fellowship and the food were something I looked forward to every week, but I could feel myself still fighting against the talk of Jesus and prayer and being part of a church family and walking with God. I desperately tried to hang onto my cynicism and disbelief. Eventually, however, the Alpha approach, the way the truth was presented started to impress itself on my mind and I came to accept the teachings and to believe there was a better way to live; I was loved by God, and he wanted great things for me. The Alpha weekend was a big turning point, even a catalyst for me.

Towards the end of the course, a friend of mine, Cher, who was also in my Alpha group, suggested we go to St. Peter’s together one Sunday. I was filled with fear and felt hopelessly conspicuous as we entered the church. However, I was struck immediately by the warmth of the welcome I received and the fellowship that everyone displayed towards us, so different from my experiences at St. Andrews. That day I took part in my first Holy Communion since I was twenty-something, I was so overcome I couldn’t stop crying; I felt foolish, but Cher said it was the Holy Spirit working in me.

Many times in our lives, our actions bring about unexpected consequences. While I was attending Alpha, I would return home - often excited to share with Don what we had discussed during the evening session. On one such evening he revealed that he too had been thinking about returning to church. Due to shift work, he couldn’t attend the Alpha course, so I borrowed the tapes from Robin, and he watched them at home. In time he said he wanted to go to St. Peter’s Lutheran with me one Sunday; I could see his feelings that day were much the same as I had experienced on my first visit.

As I reflect back on my life, I truly believe that God had a purpose for me - right from the beginning when I first learned about Him in infant school. For many years I ignored Him, but there was always a tenuous link. As I travelled life’s path, there were events that happened and people I met, that eventually brought me back to faith. He had given me some amazing gifts, but I didn’t appreciate that I had them. However, slowly I began to realize my capabilities. I haven’t set the world on fire, but I can and have, helped my communities, utilizing the skills and creative talents with which I have been blessed.

Our Christmas celebrations that first year of returning to faith, were truly magical. For the first time in my life, I attended church on Christmas Eve. I went with Don, Donna my daughter and her husband, Dan, to the late service at St. Peter’s. Dan was raised a catholic but doesn’t practice the faith now. However, all the way to the church he kept muttering about how he wasn’t sure if it was right for him to be entering a Protestant church. I told him that as it had been many years since he had visited Him, I didn’t think God would be too particular as to which denominational church he was attending to say “Hi, long time no speak”!

The candlelight service was pure magic, and the singing of the familiar carols was enjoyable. Both Don and I were profoundly moved by the sense of the Holy Spirit that was present throughout the whole service.

By the year 2004 I had arthritis developing in my left hip, it became so bad I had bone rubbing on bone and could barely walk and experienced pain 24/7. Going through airports I had to ride in a wheelchair!  This lasted for 2 years until in February 2006 I was given the long-awaited hip replacement. No more pain 24/7!  With Don’s help and the caring of our friends at St. Peter’s, I came through the surgery, the healing, and the learning to walk on my new hip.

Eventually it came time for us both to retire and we came to live on beautiful Vancouver Island – paradise! We continued in our faith and loved being a part of our new church family at Our Saviour Lutheran. I have learned how special it is to be a Christian and to know that I will now always find love and caring within a community that follows Jesus Christ.

In reflecting on all of this, I am reminded of how Robin came up to me one Sunday, about two years after I had returned to faith, and part of what she had to say was: “You are a much nicer person now!” Nicer person – me? I had thought I was always nice! But, in my newfound honesty and humility, I knew that I wasn’t. I had had a sharp tongue at times and was judgmental, impatient, intolerant and more than a little selfish. I can still be all of those things but now I have become aware of my faults and with God’s help, I  try to overcome them.

Learning to ‘love one’s neighbour’ was a hard lesson: “Lord you can’t mean that Mary woman from down the street, who is a veritable pain in the….?

Yes, He does..